When I sat down to share my thoughts and insights about what it means to be a valuable mother to my children, I really had to look hard at myself for sometime. I began with the usual rigmarole regarding kindness, respect, empathy and I had to stop myself. Do I always portray an image of kindness ? Am I respectful as I carry on with the minutia of my day ? Am I empathetic when I am rushing to get my 10 year old to finish his homework during breakfast while listening to my 8 year old daughters bout with mean girl drama, all the while trying desperately to get my 3 year old daughters hair to look like barbie mermaidia ? empathetic ? um, that’s a no.

We are living in unreal times. Everything is at our fingertips, the web is our oyster. Our children are scheduled from morning to night, with soccer and football, piano, ballet, play dates, fancy b-day parties, tennis tournaments, band practice, etc. We are the great facilitators of all of this because if we didn’t then what would happen ? They would be bored or worse…not good at anything ? Our expectations are extremely high, the pressure is on, but for who ? What is the goal really ? The likelihood of our daughters becoming prima ballerinas is slim to none, David Beckham prodigies, don’t think so.

The wonderful news is this…our children are not extensions of us, they are their own wonderfully complex, creative and unique souls. The greatest gift that we can give them is to respect who they are even if it isn’t what we want them to be. Show them empathy when the world dishes out it’s hard knocks rather than sheltering them from an experience that will give them character. Most of all, let them be children and get bored and dirty, restless and wild. Let them learn to be with themselves without an activity or a plan. Encourage them to find their own voice, their own path.

And always, lead by example…when your example doesn’t translate with rainbows of kindness, then fess up, children are masters of forgiveness. We teach them and they teach us right back, all we have to do is listen.

And you know something ? Truly listening to your child is the essence of respect, empathy and most of all kindness.

Vanessa Barnett

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Filed under: Mothers Intuition